Welcome to our world - Rambling on.....

Welcome to our world LOL

Well, I thought i was having an ok day, Goit to see one of the kids got some reading done, spent hours working on psreadsheets and researching contracts and portals.. YAWN....
Then , durring one of the breaks for food, I picked up a magazine They handed me at our Alzheimerz group meeting. It talks about mind and memory .
There was a test inside and I was to take it and then answer some questions.
I took it and scored 4 out of whatever the possible score was???
This said POOR or SAD, or BAD or something to that extent,
It asked me to remember some words , then an address, then asked me a bunch of questions, then asked me what the words and address where.
I remembered one of the words and 2 other items out of all the questions...
This depressed me so bad I put the magazine down...
I did read something about how it is not a good idea to exorcise my brain to much at one time, but rather to do several bursts during each day.
I could not remember what i had for breakfast lunch and dinner yesterday but i can remember my second grade teachers name????
One of the questions it asked that stuck with me was, where you lonely today?
I found myself asking, How the hell did they know that?
I got concerned because I did not consider my illness to have gotten bad enough to worry that much about until i read the darn test...
I came back in here and looked at all the numbers i had been crunching and realised I had not been paying two of my contractors  correctly for two months.
What is worse is, I have no idea where the hell the money went?
We have not been splurging on anything??
I am attemoting now to go oever every single transaction for the past 90 days, but there are 5 accounts with almost 40 transactions a day oer account so, it is going to take me a long time.
I had to type an apology to my contraxctors today for being so far behind, I am trying to figure all this out..
I did lose 900 cash, and there where several hunder dolars worth of unauthorised charges on two of our credit cards and I did lose on credit card, however...
There is no way I would normaly let things get this far out of hand..
I am glad i am taking this coconut oil as it is getting me back on my feet.
Whon could have imagined it would do that???
Thank you Melanie and Jeanette for that!!!

I have good days and bad days , but i pray teh good will multiply so I can recover.
Today Karen made a special box with a trash can liner in it for me to clean up this mess..
I STILL have not attacked it... I started to, I stood back and looked at it, went for a trash can and remembers, crap we used it for the sheep feed,,,,
That's when Karen went to making the big trash can lined box for me.
She is so sweet...
I have been searching for some local sources of slo mag so I can make these nightmares at least slow down if not go away...
Between the post traumatic stress syndrome and the Alzheimer's I cant sleep...
Lack of sleep makes it worse and I start to spiral down hill faster and have shorter days...
I am 59 now and can't afford shorter day;s as I dont know how many I have left.
I plan to live the best I can each day.
I find myself snapping a little this weekend...
I usualy truy harder not to, however; i seem to be snappyer this weekend for some reason?
Perhaps the lack of sleep and the stress over the money?

I understand that our political friends would have us Blame Obama completely for all our financial issues these past years, however 9-11 had such a serious impact on the finances of the WORLD I have to give some blame to it.
I am currious to see what is going to happen in November...
It is so hard to believe Obaa won the first time, but to listen to teh Obama Zombies on TV spout their total lack of undertanding is amazing to me.
I can't help but wonder how stupid people can really be?
Hey I know, your thinking I'm a bigot right???, Nah, I am a German Jew, English French, New Jersey born Messianic Catholic Jew.
Not too many people can claim that mix LOL...
Raised as Jew, Presbyterian and Roman Catholic ( by Italians) My past is very diversified.
I live in Texas now, buy was born in New Jersey and lived in the melting pot my entire youth.
I admit to have been a democrat when I was younger, but then I grew up and matured....
I am not ultra conservative nor am I ultra liberal. I have an odd mix of beliefs due to my unusual life experiences and the friendships I have made in my life.
I was not surprised Just because he is half black, (OK what 40%?) but because he is a nobody, did nothing, knows nothing, why was he even there kind of guy that had an unusual charisma and well, that's about it...
His change for the sake of change was lame as far as I was concerned and well, frankly, I liked things better the way they where BEFORE he took office... I'm just saying...

I know i am supposed to be out of touch, but I can't understand why we cant find two people in the entire RNC that can represent conservatism in the Whitehorse and still have them be strong speakers, with strong backgrounds and awesome personalities and great speakers and movers and shakers ; especially considering how many so called moral majority types we are supposed to have... I mean eriously, did you look at that comedic list of clowns theu thre before us this year??? Neut and mit?? Ron paul???? I would not buy a car from these guys never mind vote for them..
But as usual I am given no choice but to vote AGAINST the other guy, instead of for the better guy??
We have not had a worthy Republican to go up there since Bush senior, not a strong president since Reagan.
GW Bush was OK, but not as good as his father... And why did they not send him to speach classes BEFORE the nomination.
I mean come on folks, this is not rocket science..
The democrats put a cheating husband in there that continued to cheat IN the whorehouse, oops I mean Whitehorse,. and Got AWAY with it and then kicked us out and put an Obama-nation in there??
I pray things don't get out of hand later this year.
Most of my nightmares have been of Obama nuking Iran, The Terrorists releasing suitcase nukes in 4 major cites and dirty bombs in several others, Obama declaring martial law and thereby circumventing the vote and all heck breaking out here in America.. I am not sure we are all ready for that kind of nonsense, But it is one, of many, possibilities

As a 25 year veteran with over 5 years of combat experience, I can tell you... Most of Americans are not ready for war on our soil. We talk a good line of smack and we do stick together for the most part, however, these terrorists live in countries that have been at war for THOUSANDS of years...
They don't know any other way, living among us is making them crazy they beg for the day to go back to making havoc...

I know, i sound like a nut lol..
I am amazed at how so many things that realy did happena re making it into the movies.
I can't say which is which, because I took an oath, But, I am amazed none the less...


I pray several times a day and before and after every meal. Each time I thank God for not letting the last world war start today...
So many times during my 25 years we came so close.... only to stand down and go back to all clear...
None of the Civilian populace any wiser...

These are the thinhs that ponder in teh mind of  a man slowly dying of this horrid decease...
I can actually feel myself slipping now...  A little each day. Kind of like being eaten by something?
Kind of ironic that I worked so hard over the last 6 years to quit smoking, lose 160 pounds, bring my cholesterol down below 300, then 200 then, 180... Bring my blood pressure to normal, stop drinking alcohol like my life depended on it. staying away from illegal drugs, stopped the bar scene and even stopped dating for 1.5 years before I met Karen.
Now that my body is in great shape, my mind is dying... True irony I guess..
I am not giving up by any means.
I am trying to exorcise my mind, I am trying to get Karen to sneak as much coconut oil in my food as she can, I am taking both my med's. The forst one, and whatever the second one is.. esccapes me right now..
(arg hate this illness)... Ah NAMENDA :)  ( Thank you God)
Still can't remember the first one...
I quit taking it a few years ago.. my logic... I was doing so well, i must not need it LOL
Which only goes to show it was working.... sort of.. I stopped taking it because I felt better???? Strange illness...

Anyway, from what i read today I am definately in stage 2.. well on my way to the end..
How much time is on teh clock? Heck your guess is as good as mine,, and im not guessing..
Like I said I can feel it going, just cant judge the speed since i don't have a point of reference..
 If everything is as bad as the conspiracy theorists say it is, the rapture should be soon..
If that true perhaps I will get taken in the rapture and not have to worry about dying :)

Well it is late, I am going t lean back in teh chair and have some nightmares now.. Planes flying over, drpping nukes, pplanes crashing to the earth, floods, earthquakes, you  know disney world stuff...

If anyone finds some of this saught after slow mag  and can send some I would be greatfull
Thanks

(sorry about spelling and typos, my spell-check is broke)