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Friday, August 31, 2012


    I am alive. somehow
Today was......... NOt a good day/
Too tired to try to remember it all.
Just wabted to jump in here ans mark my turf, so to speak.
Nite all!!
And may God bless and watch over all of you.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


That being said....

Today was an ok monday...
Got to go to work, Took Larry along to keep me out of trouble..
Did a job that suposed to take like an hour took 4, but part of that was m being an OCD engineer.
The people on the other side that we had to email the deliverable photos and paperwork to said my documentation was very good. He only had to ask one question and We where released and told thanks..
I think Larry learned a lot?
Tomorow I have doctor int eh am , then router swing with T-1 circuit swing after lunch, then tomorow night we have a very complicated stor conveersion at night.
I get up at 6 am and wont get done until probably 3 am the next day, then have to get up for early doctors on Wednesday and then another call Wednesday night at Sam's doing a store POS refresh... those can take up to 8 hours, so another all nighter..
I might be taking Friday off?? LOl.
Might be spending Friday in the ER LOL..

Brain hurts going to go to bed, try to get a lot of rest for the long 72 hours ahead of me.
I can Tell Karen still trying to understand my forgetting things. She yelled at me tonight  and , well , I yelled back I'm 60 and have Alzheimer's  I forget! Somehow she almost made it feel like it is my fault???
I pray she can handle all this....
i am praying I can handle all of this...
Some Day's I almost wish i would just slip away tonight....

Anyway, I pray almost all day long that I will have enough time to take my wonderful wife overseas someplace...
it seems such a waist to have traveled the world most of my life only to marry someone that has never been anywhere and not be able to take her to the places I got to go and share them with her...
I need to get my passport renewed...

Have a pleasant night!

Monday, August 27, 2012

We,come to old age lol..
Interesting weekend. Started with Saturday, taking my nite pills in am and am pills after supper..
The Scentsy Mini convention was nice. Met a lot of nice new people.
Well new to me ... Learned a lot. Had fun oddly enough. Won a couple of nice door prizes.
Karen invite someone from the Air Force base we had met earlier and she signed up under Karen that day :)
Our Daughter Lexi (30 year old one of our 8 children) Came buy and was around most of the weekend. That was nice.
She even sat down to earn my med's and Karen's med's in case we both get to far down the rabbit hole to remember them our self.
I started an unknown number of things and finished... Pretty much none of them...
Well laid plans of mice and men...
In the past, it would have been procrastination over the weekend, these day's it's my buddy Mr. Alz...
Typing is getting more difficult as well. I seem to be missing parts of words. I see myself typing them, but they are not there when i proofread. And I proofread over mistakes now? It is like I see what i wanted , not whats there?
I have noticed the change in diet had made my speech improve somewhat. I can now speak faster and not miss words as often. Of course being understood sometimes is a challenge, but part of that is being a Yankee in Texas lol..
I am starting to get the trembles now...
Wondering if Lewy Body is not in my future?
I guess throwing in Parkinson's on top of this is another way for God to challenge me?
I shall endeavor to persevere.
Slow mag and Tylenol working well on stopping nightmares, I guess that helps me rest and sleep better.
I am not using my CPAP like I am supposed to, but it is such a pain to take care of...
I do miss waking up felling well rested though. And it has water in it so I'm not so dry when I wake up.
I never have been able to get  used to sleeping with the mask on my face all night...
This week I am working way too many hours.
I have backup, so it should go better than if I did not..,
Split shifting nights and day's.
I am praying Lexi will cover Sam's  Club for me one night.
I am struggling with all this web page marketing stuff.
They promise on click three click 6 clicks whatever, but it is so much more complicated then that.
I have 2 weeks left on the money back guarantee before I just say NOPE not that...
I am going to start teaching our Daughter Lexi the business in hopes she can run it when I fall further down this rabbit hole...
I'm off to plan the week..
I shall return....

God bless you all..

Sunday, August 26, 2012


There I was all excited writing my heart out and then no one came buy?
I was noticing the rapid fall off of readers over the past few days/
I am not sure why?
Perhaps the weekend?
guess we shall see
I am going to write regardless if anyone reads this as it is also for me....
This week was interesting, I have two really slow days.
One horrible day as well.
Yesterday my wonderful wife was tired and got my meds out of order, so, I got my night meds in the am and my am meds at night.,...
Made for an interesting day needless to say.
We went to her annual Scentsy local mini convention and it was awesome
Met a lot of really nice lady's and two men.. Won a couple of rocking door prizes and a new respect for lady's that do Scentsy... I also learned they market quite a bit more than just wick-less candles including bath products and personal products as well as Velata and starting September a new line of purses that looked pretty fancy... I am going to work overtime to make sure Karen has the money to buy into that new line of products as well.

If you all would like to see her Scentsy page it is

Her Velata page is   ( I REALLY LOVE THAT STUFF LOL)

It was a great day , I was tired but happy to meet so many nice lady's and see my Karen have fun and gt a new Sign upon her team!!

I am going to take a break now... Putting coconut oil in all our food now, taking Tylenol and slow mag at night and gingko as well. Seems to be helping, I went from 150 to 220 on my brain score..... Cool huh !!


Thursday, August 23, 2012


     I am sorry;  I have not been on line much this week.
I have been sick.
I don't know what is wrong, just feel ill, and can't  seem to stay off the toilet for long. Feel like I swallowed a gerbil lol.
I just dash in, get something done, and get out...
I have been dabbling in the online webpage , make money on line area for the past week.
I managed to get two sites put up, one ofor my wife and one for me.
Five  years ago, this would have taken me about three hours.
This took me two weeks or so...
Hers work's, mine does not; yet..
I am researching all these internet marketing sites and all the changes in pay per click, and so forth.
Trying to see if there realy is any money in all this hype I keep getting in my emails.
As a multi-webpage owner and multi-blog author I get many emails a day.
Most of them spam, some of them interesting...
I spend more and more time each day trying to tell the difference...
I seem to be getting mentally tired sooner in the day now.
The Aricept and Namenda help, as does the coconut oil when I remember it. The Tylenol and Slow mag help with the nightmares, but I; am not sleeping much.
I seem to be overly concerned about money and my future inability to earn it.
I need to be good provider ; and this economy makes it so difficult to even consider a diversified portfolio like I did in the pat.
My one fear is, that the exploiters out there are going to take advantage of all his turmoil and take advantage of people like me with cognitive issues and financial concerns and take all their money promising them pipe dreams about "road to riches", "six figure income' at the "click ( or three or six) of the mouse" and then "set it and forget it" mentality.
Even at $27.00 to $49.99, these fees can add up, then once they get in there, you have internet name reservation fees for the website, then hosting fees, hen mentor fees, then web page submission fees, and many of them try to up-sell you into infinity... You buy the 1 dollar item and they try to get you for six , or even seven more times for up to $800.00 in other "miracle add on" fees...
I can actually visualize many older people, or simply cognitively impaired people like myself just clicking away with visions of millions of dollars coming into their accounts..
I have to admit, it takes everything I have to not simply buy all of them..
The issue is also, once you get in and have paid, you can get lost in there...
They inundate you with information, list countless things to do "before you can get started" all just to get to this 3 click automated guaranteed wealth generating system of the day...
The videos make it look so easy, so fast, they promise so much, for FREE!!!

     It is just not right that people are sitting out there coming up with all this crap, instead of actually coming up with a way to help people make it out there in the face of all this craziness going on ...
If I can find any that actually work, I think I will make it a point to find a way to get it to them as inexpensively as I can while I still have a little bit of my business savvy left.
I would rather that be my legacy than anything else I guess.
Knowing I could help someone..
If I could win the mega lottery for like $600 million I already decided I would start a non profit to find A way to get homeless children off the street and make sure they also get fed..
One thing I remember from being a child, was HUNGER...
There where night's I thought I would not wake up the next day because I was so hungry.
I would sneak out to the bakery and steel a loaf of bread out of the boxes as they where putting them outside the bakery...
Pizza, back then, was ketchup , salt and pepper, and on a good day , some Parmigiano ( grated cheese :)
That would make my life complete I guess. Knowing I made a difference in a big way.
Serving my country for 25 years in the U.S Military was good, But that ended in 1997 and I need Frank part 2... , You know another chapter....  What ELSE did I contribute to society...
So, since I don't see me actually winning this mega lottery..... I am looking for another way to do it...

Yes I did comunity theatre, volunteered, and continue to volunteer for many non profit events to raise money for them, but I need a ... "BIG EVENT" that I can do to make a difference...
I pray I have it in me....

I am feeling rather ill still, so I am going to take ANOTHER Nap...

In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger "I'll be back"! ...

God bless you all....

( sorry, it takes me so long to proof read these and fix all the errors) I need an editor and publisher lol...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

  Forward to a Friend
alzheimer's e news
August 22, 2012   
Alzheimer's Association
The Alzheimer's Association is one of six charities in the running for a spot in Subaru of America’s 2012 "Share the Love" event. We’re currently in the lead, and we need your votes to sustain that momentum. Help us receive a portion of $5 million from Subaru's "Share the Love" event. Please vote on Facebook today and every day through Aug. 26, and share this information with your Facebook friends.
Vote today on Facebook >>
Sixty percent of people with dementia will wander from home. Up to half of the people who wander will suffer serious injury or death if not found within 24 hours. MedicAlert® + Alzheimer's Association Safe Return® provides 24-hour assistance, no matter when or where the person is reported missing.
Learn more about MedicAlert + Safe Return >>
Some doctors and counselors have discouraged people from undergoing genetic tests that may indicate a probability of developing Alzheimer's disease. But a series of studies has found that people often manage fine when told their test results, even if they learn they have a higher risk.
Read the article >>
Caregiver resource links

Stop by our brain gym
Exercise your brain and test
your skills.
Solve today's puzzle >>

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Come get some!

I am fired up!
Come walk beside me in my quest to raise funds to fight this disease so that others may not have to suffer in the future.
It may be too late for my mother and for me, but that does not mean we can't keep going like the energizer bunny to raise funds to try to find a cure.
More knowledge more research and eventually a cure!!
will you be courageous and walk beside me?

God bless you for whatever you can do!

Love you all


Monday, August 20, 2012


Now that I have your attention LOL...

Today was interesting. I got up, took a bath ( odd cause i prefer showers_) and was going to have an easy day, sit around relax, go have lunch with Karen.... Look and see if I'm getting rich from all these Internet sites I have been playing with for the past few days, look at my blogs... lazy day..
Just before lunch I got a call from an old client asking me to go to Merkel and do a media player at a medical site. The player was dead and a new one is on site. I have done a gazillion of these so I can do them without documentation and usually in about 30-45 minutes. So, I accept it for after lunch, scramble to print out the work order , run to the other end of the house and get dressed, Pray i was not forgetting anything  and finally get out the door, 20 minutes later than I had wanted to. All in all not too bad..
Usually, if i get distracted , I can be hours late... So this was a good Monday LOL.. I managed to stall Karen long enough when she called to race to Subway in time to get our order and make it to her by 23 minutes after 12. A personal best...
We had lunch, I got gas, checked mail, ventured off to Merkel. I did the replacement without a hitch.
I was surprised to learn the remote monitoring service for this network had moved from Canada to my home Town of NYC , or as we like to call it  "The City".. So some schmoozing with my homeys was in order during the on site call in, it was kind of fun..
Because they did not know if the player was the only issue we do what is called a connectivity test where I bring a laptop in and connect it to the Internet where the player sits and I test the connection from the player to media server in New York.. When i got done, I put the net-book i used on the fold out on my ladder and finished hanging the new player.
When i went over the the other side of the room, a small patient ( 8 year old child) took my net-book and went into another waiting area... NOW, in New York, we call that stealing, but here in "lets enable our children and never ever c=scold them for anything they do so they an grow up to be serial killers TEXAS"
They just laugh it off..... Oh, She just thought it was one of the medical check in thingies.....
I'm sorry, so she thought it was hospital equipment so she stole it and that's?? funny somehow?
This did not happen in just a few seconds.. Oh no...
I placed the laptop on the shelf on the step ladder especially designed to hold this laptop,,, finished hanging the media player behind the display ( 47 inch plasma TV) Then took a step 3 FEET away and turned my back,, then turned back around and it was gone...
Id id not notice it immediately, because I was watching the display to see if the media center ( small PC type device) was going to boot up, and eventually show the media presentation it was supposed to ( Diabetic health information)... Once i say it was working I packaged the old unit in the box the new one came in, put it on the shelf at the check in window next to the step ladder and called remote monitoring service to see if they could see it, rebooted the player once to assure it would come back up and then, while watching it come up I glanced down and noticed, not net-book... Understand, this was about 15-20 minutes everyone there was watching me.
this was a 10x10 room with two separate areas with everyone able to see me the entire time...
When i noticed it missing i looked to the immediate area around the stand, there where two Spanish speaking people , older both handicapped, neither holding a net-book, but looking nervous none the less..
I asked them in Mexican where my laptop was, and the both just shrugged their shoulders...
My second Wife was from this town, and My Current wife went to school here so I have been her several times and know some people including the old sheriff, so, I said call the police my laptop is missing I'M not leaving until I find it... The guys on the phone thought it was amazing that someone could steal my laptop right out from under my nose since I was from new york, and retired military and former inelegance agency trained... It was not until I walked into management and asked for the sheriff by name did they reach out and hand me my net-book... Now realize this town might have 300 people in it and I know about 40 of them.. And was related to about 20 of them by marriage.. And they still acted like that.... So yes I was a little upset...( OK more like panic from hell) Amazingly though, I did not throw a fit, or make a big deal about it... I was thinking an amazing amount of things I could have, would have, should have said..
But I figured it would fall on deaf ears... Especially unless I said it in perfect Mexican.
I am not FROM that town, and therefore an outsider ( guyjin) just like in Asia..


If your one of us, you can imagine what was going on in my mind... ((PANIC) FEAR)
In our minds we panic.. We don't know for certain if we actually had the laptop there or not I guess..
All I can tell you for certain. Before I got this way, I would not have reacted with fear, but rather would have known exactly what to do and I would have done it seamlessly and effortlessly and found a way to make the mother feel guilty, get an apology from the facility and not felt like crap when I finally got my but out of the facility and into my Van to make all the phone calls to close the work order.
This is a private long standing direct bill contract I have had for about 12 years, so, I have work orders in addition to the contract and deliverable.

I wonder how much longer I will be able to work?
At least Merkel i s right out side of Abilene, If i did get lost I would not be that far away.

My newest habit is to only get enough gas for today..
My rationalization is, if I do veg out, at least I wont get too far on a quarter of a tank..

I am amazed I managed to design and monetized and get a website out for Karen... If you bored go look!
at it (please excuse my spelling while trying to reserve hand register her website at 3am this morning)

Let me know what you think of it...


Oh yes I was in SEVERAL rock bands in the 60's and 70's, and sat in with several famous bands and musicians in my life up into the 80's... And even did some time with the USO shows, lived in New York city, did summer stock, Central park, Soho, Improve, Off Broadway ad some opera and many many years of Volunteer community and repertory theater, as well as on every major and many minor stages in New York area in the 60's. Was in at LEAST one movie, and about 10 news releases including some in my home in Texas, My interview after the Haitian insanity was on CNN, and I am not sure HOW many U.N.H.C.R. and U.S.O. Videos. Countless military videos, home videos Had an award named after my family (The Toms Family Award) in Germany buy the Department of the Army,and  have two flag's flown over capitals for me specifically, one American Flag by president Clinton and signed by Him ( even though I did not particularly like working for him nor did I particularly like him), and one Texas Flag Flown over our state capital by Our own Distinguished Representative Bob Hunter of Texas. And was on stage in a play with now senator Susan King in 1995-1996. Just to name a few lol..
And to put the cherry on the cake, I was one of the winners of the twist dance off contest at the annual Alzheimer's fund raiser this year, and have the t-shirt to prove it  LOL

May God bless you and your loved ones and watch over you all this night and keep you safe and may you all wake up in the morning...


Sunday, August 19, 2012

The lords Day

Hello and thank God for another day on this planet as me.

For some reason, last night I fell asleep in the recliner wondering if I would be me today.
I was pondering on when and if and how my last night as me would go.
Would I wake up one day and be someone else?
How does it work?
Every time I get around other fellow Alzheimer's comrades I wonder. Did they wake up one day and feel different?
I have tried so many times to go venture into an Alzheimer unit and see my future. For some reason I can't get past the front door. It amazes me. I spent 25 years in the Military. Volunteered for every mission I could. Was seldom afraid of anything in those day's other than not getting to see my family again ever. Some of those missions where very long and sometimes I was not allowed to contact them and tell them where I was and that I was OK, and check up on them and even hear their voices.. It was difficult, but part of the commitment to defend my country. I was very good at my job and did whatever it took.
That is why if feels so odd fro me to not be able to open that front door.
I have driven up to that place many times.
Actually only managed to walk up to the door once...
Several years ago when my mother was in a nursing home for a short time I did have the chance to gaze into the Alzheimer wing at the place she was at. They had mentioned that if she progressed much further that she could very well end u p in there. It had a huge thick double door entry way with security and i remember feeling like the man walking in the hall there resembled a movie about a zombie invasion we had recently seen.
It bothered me so much I moved my mother to an extended care facility where she took care of herself and only had a nurse come buy to make sure he took her med's and monitor her blood pressure and vitals and make sure she was eating... My mother died less than a year later from Caner before the Alzheimer disease could kill her.
If I manage to live long enough, I will be the first one to die from this. All my other family members continued to smoke and live " the lifestyle" and died from cancer before they could progress into the later stages, so, I have never seen any of my family make it past stage 2 where I am now.
That might be why I had all the cancer tests ran this past year and why i have such an overwhelming sense of doom??
I w not being able to do things as well as i used to is not very easy for my to accept.
This whole your gonna have to stop riving and eventually stop working think is completely and utterly impossible for my to deal with at this point..
I have simply been taking people with me...
Good for them as they get to learn what I do and how I do it so maybe when I'm gone someone can at least handle part of what I do... And hopefully tries hard to do it with as much TLC as I do.

The thought of not working and not driving... almost sounds like death?
I mean other than blogging and research and gaming and watching TV, what the heck am I going to do all day?
If I thought i was talented enough to actually be a writer that would so rock!
Karen wants me to write my bio.
I noticed two of the members of our support group have had their bios written by Libby in our group.
Karen got me dragon naturally speaking, but I'm not sure I know how to use it lol...

I wish I knew where all the pictures I used to have where. I would love to make an online record of my BELIEVE IT OR NOT story..
The problem being, even with all the pictures, and all the documentation and all the diplomas and certificates and medals and awards, people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them about my past.

I guess hearing I went to two places before I was 12 that where actually made into movies is a starter.
anyone that watched, the bells of saint Mary's and Boys-town back in the day would look at me an Say SERIOUSLY? and id say , well yeah here's a picture of me , here's my diploma from sacred heart church in boys-town, here's my first paperwork from the catholic church, here's this here's that...her is me at Seton hall, and they still glaze over... Never mind telling them I sang in the places I sang , performed in places I  performed, met people I met , went to places I went, saw the things I saw, did the things I did  ,lived the places i lived etc... never mind that I spoke 16 languages and had a photographic memory...
I could not even tell my wives where I was going, what I was doing, what I was seeing etc....
The fact that we where even there was classified. I remember one time we where at a press conference where an air force representative was denying we where someplace while, behind him, there was a huge video display and me and my unit where in the video in a country he was saying we where not going to  standing behind a C-5 that he blatantly denied was ever on the ground in that country LOL...
We where like, psst, look behind you dude LOL. anyway that Was Barbados, and it came out... But there where many many many incidents like this in my 25 years

Anyway, I would be afraid I would put something in there that would get me, or someone else in trouble since it has been a few years since I retired and I'm not sure what is still classified and what is not..
I cant even get all my disability because my medical records and military records are redacted...
I fear I will be dead before that information is declassified enough for me to get compensation for what is wrong with me. I can't even discus it in therapy, as my therapist does not have " the need to know"
I admit I have been amazed at some of the stuff I see on TV. My wife will look over at me sometimes when we are in the movies or watching TV as if to say HEY is that true, and all I can do is just smile and say, well honey, I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations LOL
Or , I'd tell ye but.. well you know... I'd have to kill ya LOL

I would like to start jotting it down I guess...
I know my children are grown for the most part, but , if they ever grow old and actually decide to remember me, they might be curious about why I am the way I am. might actually care about me fr a fleeting instant and want information?

I guess I can start a 12th blog LOL
OK well, someone is insisting on my attention so.. ILL be back!!!!

PS I hope no one is offended by my putting that slow mag and stuff on here, I was just tying to make sure everyone had access to it since we had to wait two weeks to get some here,, And i was so EXCITED to get rid of the nightmares and was also so excited about the results of the coconut oil I had to share!
That slow mag for 8.00 and some change was cheaper than we could find it here near us... Here it starts around $10.00 a bottle. and the last time we went to wall-mart we got 2 of the last three they had and we waited two weeks to get those...

God bless us, everyone!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Sale prices I found for this

Franks SALE slow mag

 This stuff is so hard to find in stores! The manufacturer is having a hard time getting it out to the big stores but promises if you order it online they will ship it straight to you..
Take on of these and two acetaminophen ( Tylenol you can find them) and your nightmares are GONE

I can not begine to tell you how strange it is not to have nigtmares after all this time!!
Thanks you whoever it was that told me!!! God Bless you!!!

heres a link for tylonel  

Heres you Sign!!!

Here's your sign!

Today was  an interesting day. It started with my wonderful wife waking me up at... wait is that.... 7...30????
On a SATURDAY?????????? LOL
Well, normally, we sleep until about 10- or 11 on Saturday morning because we stay up late the night before watching movies and or gaming.. Karen and I are both avid gamers, which, for our age, is somewhat amazing... Most people our age can't even understand the games we play, never mind play them.
I play first person shooter games like Black ops and Call of Duty on the X-box 360 and Karen plays on her android tablet, her PC AND her Xbox AND her PS3... She is more into the role playing games single player Like Final Fantasy, I am more into destroying younger players and telling them they got their buts handed to them by a 560 year old with Alzheimer's LOL
I play in what is called a clan.
there are a group of us mostly older, mostly handy capped in some shape form or fashion, diabetics, something, some of us military, all of us a little nuts I guess.. We all share a dislike for prejudice , cheaters, and hackers. We don't tolerate cheaters, modders, and hackers in the clan and we have members that get paid by Microsoft to find these guys and lock their x-boxes so the rest of us can enjoy the games  spend 100's of dollars on every year buying and thousands of dollars in memberships fees and special equipment like 400 headsets and controllers and 55 inch plasma TVs with high definition so we an snipe from a mile away lol...
I have not played for 12 days. I suspect a warm welcome and to be interrogated when i get in there as i usually play at least 4 days a week...

Today we got up early, Karen's brother ans sister where here. They stayed the night, it was nice having a full house, Even our daughter Lexi stayed on the chair in the living room.
They all got up early at the crack of dawn country style loaded up the washing machine they needed from our huge storage building and headed south...
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping, so Karen took me to town so I could get my van fixed, our daughter borrowed it and left it out front with a blown tire ..
I drove it to town she picked me up and we went shopping all over, it was fun, some of it window shopping..
We eventually made it home and I got back to work researching al this online marketing work from home stuff
So far I'm not impressed. . more to follow..

I have Ben dizzy all day today so it id to tell what effect of any not having nightmares is having one me.
We found the slow mag and acetaminophen (Tylenol still not back on shelf yet) and I have been taking it and not having nightmares , but I'm not sure I am dreaming at l now?

I am trying very hard to understand all this Internet marketing stuff and hope it all makes sense soon..
I have about 5 days of many hours reading and listening to videos and testing things and trying things out...
We shall see..

I had a strange bout of depression for what seemed like an unreasonable inscedent and it took me quite a while to get over it.. 
I guess its the alz? MY wife watched a move we picked out together and ate apiece of cake e bought together without inviting me and it devastated me??
It took me over an hour and a half to calm down....
Granted, I was in the other room, but.. Somehow I have become more sensitive to odd things...
not knowing if today is my last "normal: day on earth, somehow changes the value of what used to be mundane. Things I would have barely noticed in the past devastate me now. I value things totally different now than I did even three months ago...

I feel so alone...

Friday, August 17, 2012

Slow mag and Tylenal = No nightmares

How Ironic this type of conversation actually happened the other day at support group during the break for dinner. Wish i could remember the exact conversation...

Today was interesting. My wonderful wife's brother and sister came and picked me up and I rode with them to her appointment and then we went around town doing things then all went to dinner at red lobster.
Nice easy day
My whole day was thrown off by the fact i did not have ANY nightmares last night...
It would appear that the slow mag and Tylenol worked....
I remember opening my eyes and thinking HEY I'm NOT having nightmares!!??!! Kind  of a strange feeling...
Lets hope it stays that way....

I am deep into studying all these methods of online marketing.
I think these guys like to hear themselves talk, all potatoes an no meat...
We shall see what they are full of..
I would study more tonight, but i think i had to much wine at dinner lol...
Perhaps tomorrow???

I hope and pray that each and every one of you has a wonderful evening and safe weekend..

Thursday, August 16, 2012

My easy day

Now there's a cute T-shirt...

    Today was frank take it easy only think about Alzheimer's day.
I blocked it off on my colander days ago. It said Frank-Alzheimer s all day!
Of course, if you have Alzheimer's first thing that comes to mind is, " I wish it was only for one day"... Cause that's how we are wired, well some of us anyway.
For the past several days I have been thinking about the words lewy body. And I had no idea why. It is anoying. Today, while at our support group someone mentioned that one of us had lewy body. I lit up like a christmass tree. They where talking about the words I have been thinkning about.
Now I know it means Alzheimer's and um, ( hang on let me look it up).... Parkinson's at the same time...
I had an incident a few months ago where i had something calld.. ( looking up again).... Tardive dyskinesia ( Parkinson like movements) so severe I could not walk and had to have my wife and her sister help me walk 10 feet. The symptoms went away after I stopped the medicine, but i still get tremmors now and then ever since that day. MY doctor mentioned Lewy body at that time I guess and since i have been having tremors again latle y I can only assume that is why the words have been in my brain for the past week or so..
I am glad thats over LOL.
A lday at our meeting tonight gave me some of her slow Mag to help me sleep tonight.
I am to take it with tylonal and it is supposed to make the bad dreams go away.
I took an extra dose of cocnut oil ( on my cantelope lol) tonight so that might help as well.
Who knew it ALSO help my cholesterol!!! AWESOME stuff... I am so glad I like coconut lol
Someone in our family does not like coconut, I feel sorry for them.

Today I continued searching for some way to make money working from home so i dont have to risk driving all over teh country.
I have tried several different things in the past two weeks, but none of them has panned out mucas of today.I will post my progress once something works....
I have another blog for just that, income opportunities LOL
I will also be making a mailing list as son as I can figure out how .. LOL.
The mailing list will be a monthly or weekly new letter with any and all interesting news on Alzheimer's that we get during that period of time.

I had hoped to have some other fellow Alzheimer comrads post in here, but tht  might take some time.
Not everyone is willing to wear their heart on their sleeves like us thespians.
My mom taught me to dance at the age  of 4 and it has been down hill ever since lol.

One of the things we discused today is that most of the people in our room have extraordinary past life experices.
The people in our groups are accomplished in life, all educated all very active in the community and intelligent and well to do at least at one point in their life. Teachers, professors, big business owners, career military etc..

Another key point was educating people about their lack of undertanding..
Once of our members is very active still and was was actively recruiting funds for our cause and ran into a fellow professional. Since she is and was a well known member of the community the person said HEY " your that one that has Alzheimer's huh" and she said yes. Then the lady said Well... You musty be gettig better then!! LOL
Why is that funny?? Well, because we dont get better. There is no cure. We only get worse.
Our best hope, our prayer our goal, is to slow it down...
We are in a race against the race.
Like I told my precious wonderful adorable loving wife tonight after the group. I am not ready yet.
I have too much left to do, to many places I want to take her , show her share with her.
The world is so large, and I want her to see it the way I did. To love it live it and learn it.
I told her I will be so angree if i don't get to share with her.
So irate if we don't get to have enough time ...
Of course laughingly ( she is so darn cute) she said, but honey you wont remember.. LOL
I told her, some how inside i think ill know,, but I pray I don't...

I know i should not be angered. I have been blessed by God with so many things in my life that losing them is merely making me like many others that never had them to begin with.
But somehow it still hurts...

I am so thankful that there are medicines out there, holistic things like the coconut oil and this slow mag if it works.
So thankful that there is an organization like the Alzheimer's association and so many people that are getting involved to support us and our family's
So thankful for people like Robert?? (hope that's right I repeated his name all the way home).that work at the rehab here in Abilene near us that dedicate his time to helping to get us out of the house and up there to exorcise and be sociable so we don't sit at home and atrophy. The brain is a muscle and needs oxygen like the rest of the body. He is a young pup, not even 30 from his bone structure and his mannerisms and colloquialisms are indicative of an rough life as a child meaning he has come a long way to get where he is helping us at such a young age. And he has God at his side. He seemed honestly interested in our illness and stayed WAY past the time he needed to to socialize with us.

Well, it is WAY past my bed time, but u had to vent...
I am going to red more about this diet for the brain. Ketones for my Alzheimer ridden brain.
I remembered the term from school in relationship to Diabetes mellitus and from football when I was spilling Ketones... But never really thought about what they where.. Until now.

Tomorrow is another day.
Remember to tell everyone you love how you feel and always say thank you and please and treat Everyone with respect, even the stupid people :)

Good nite
Love you all...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

JOB = J O B ..........

I thought about applying for a job again. It has been many years since i tried.
I don't really think i would like  Job. Working 8 hours a day 5-6 or 7 days a week would not be my idea of a way to live...
I have not had a job since 1997.
Even when I was in the air force i never considered it a Job. It was a way of life. I lived it 24 7.I did have some part time jobs I guess... Weekends, and part timing it as a d.J. bar back security etc...
Insurance was not 9-5. Although this one guy in Abilene tried to make it that way. I remember how funny i thought he was to watch. He almost looked as if he thought himself to be a GOD.. HE WOULD HIRE PEOPLE, TALK THEM INTO GETTING A TEMP LICENSE, TALK THEM INTO TAKING THE COURSES ONLINE AND THEN RUSH THEM OUT TO SELL SELL  SELL. THEN, IF THEY DID NOT PASS THE TEST, HE JUST KEPT THEIR COMMISSIONS AND HIRED SOME MORE...
Wow what a tacky thing to do...
A few of use left him and went to work for a guy that was fed up with all the scammer insurance agencies and wanted to sell only the best ....
WE lasted about a year before a series of unfortunate events ruined our awesome team. resulted in the culmination of one death, one arrest and one loss of license... None of them where me thank God, I just lost my residuals and most of my commissions on my agents I recruited when my Gm lost his license, and of course a few thousand I invested in the partnership... I did actually come out owning the name of the agency technically since he no longer has a license and I do...
I receive several calls and emails each month from people asking me to start up my teams again and open an agency in Abilene, Tuscola, Hawley, Merkel, San Angelo and any place else I desire.. I was thinking Brownwood if I could find Laura.. Maybe buffalo gap lawn....

Anyway the pipe dream of the entrepreneur lol..
Sometimes I miss being filthy rich...

Today was an interesting day. I decided that, since i did not die yesterday, and since i can still barely walk after my tiresome day yesterday, I went back to San Angelo today to do what was supposed to be an easy job...
When I got there, this tiny little box I was expecting  , ended up being a huge power supply that i had to mount to the wall and connect four close circuit cameras to and do it all with , no experience, and no directions.... Big letters on the bog warning of the dangers of electrocution and death from improper usage of this equipment...
So, i looked at the old equipment ( looked NOTHING LIKE THIS ONE) took it all off, unboxed the new stuff drilled and mounted it to the wall, connected all the cables and wires.Said a hail Mary, and turned it on...
one, two, three four... All cameras came up... Thank you God LOL

Did my paperwork, boxed the old broke junk and went home... Whew LOL

Hard to believe I can charge $100.00 an hour for something I have never seen before and actually fix it using only my experience from my past...
I worked for 75 minutes ans made #147.50..
Yesterday I worked for about 6 of the 8 hours and made over 300..
Why in the world would I  want to work 8-5 Monday to Friday and make 400 a week?
If I felt better I could make 800 a day...
Selling insurance I can make frightening amounts that I would probably get shot for mentioning in here , especially if i could get a team together...
An example, without giving specifics... One year A Friend of mine was helping me try to get her company insured with better coverage through one of our providers.
If they had voted yes tot he plan, I would have split $88,986.00 that month with my business partner and made at LEAST $9,000 a year for up to 3 years off that one sale alone and then stood to make it again in three more years or more... And I had at least 5 more of those lined up over the next month....
I wanted to make 10 million to put in annuities and have 1 million in residuals coming in and then I was going to retire and run the agency remotely from my office in Majorca...

If i ever become a millionaire again I am going to travel again and take my wonderful wife around the world and show her off.. Spoil her with exotic surroundings, fantastic food and wine and share her beauty with the wonders of the world and make the world a better place for it.

If i had 100 billion dollars I would travel the world and solve world hunger, get the homeless children off the streets, get the mentally challenged off the streets and come up with good safe places for them to enjoy quality of life. NO poor people, no bums. motivate them , give them their own space...

If i could find a way to end hatred i sure would... some of the stuff I hear spouted out buy extremists is ridiculous and a waist of karmic energy.

Anyway, watching that video i posted before this post made me sad seeing how i am going to get..
But i see myself doing some of that now... The early part of the say I'm OK , get better around lunch then peek out and start my down hill slope around 2... By three I'm  startling to head for home, by 4L30 I'm looking for a place to take a nap, by 5 i hope to have had a nap...

When i start to struggle keeping my mind working i get snappy..
In the past that meant my blood sugar was going low, today it means im scared... I am fallling into one of those areas where i panic and things get fuzzy and im fighting to stay normal..
So when someone yells get grandpa his chocolate or get grandpa his medicine it actually make me worse...
It adds frustration and aggravation to fear and confusion. I pray my family can handle me when i get worse.
I dont know how to explain to them what i feel.
I feel so lonely. I need love more now than I ever did in my life.
I am afraid for the first time in my life...
I fought in combat for year and was not this afraid..
I was alone as a child with no father, no brothers and sisters, no friends and no children to play with and was not as alone as I am now...
I was lost one as a child for four hours and my mother and neighbors finally found me and i was not as lost as I am now.
I remember Thinking I might die today so many times during my 25 years in the military. I even thought it was imminent many  many times, but now I know I am going to die and before my time.
I feel robbed, cheated, violated. I finally meet a woman I want to grow old with, experience the joys of life with, and now my mind is racing for the finish line ahead of my body.

Part of my feels like I am being a whiny baby. I have been blessed with many Gifts by God and i abused and neglected them all at one time or another, some of them for many many years.
Actor singer dancer comedian, intellect linguist, photographic memory expert at almost anything i do, sports, pool darts, bowling, everything except golf lol..
For some reason i never could get a grip on golf forgive the pun...
I liked put put as a kid, but watching all the pros in those tournaments  as a kid in the orphanage and having a pro int eh family I guess I got burned out on golf...
I miss acting, miss singing miss dancing, miss music so so much.
I miss traveling all over the world, the people the cultures..
I should have been an ambassador... I loved being military attache. and liaison. and logistics.
Embassy runs where a good time, Bob hope shoes where so much fun. Traveling with Presidents especially Regain overseas was fun. Even Russia for Clinton was fun. Regains Asian tour was OFF THE HOOK good times LOL.
I wold love to do all of that again please lol..
I gave all that up and turned down CIA, FBI and Alphabet soup to marry Karen.
Otherwise I would be in Germany or Moscow now at the consulate...
You can;t have both so I chose...
Family now. I had mt life on the road alone. Now, If i travel , I want someone at my side to grow old with together. I can still advise F.E.M.A. as a civilian and stay informed and still semi retire and attempt to relax with all that is going on..
I  need to game some I think. It has been 8 days according to Xbox live since I played online so, I guess I better get to it LOL.

Thank you everyone that takes time out of heir day to read these words of nonsense as I spew them our for your entertainment
I hope that they might , somehow, shed a lite on how this illness effects all of us...

watch as i slowly decay away into whomever I become and watch and read in wonder as I actually laugh about it....
Its better than crying.....
 Say goodnight everyone... (good nite

PS: my birthday was the 9th, y could by me some of this and ship it to PO box 455 Tuscola Texas, 79562/// I'M JUST SAYING lol