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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I am ALIVE!!

Despite efforts buy countless germs and stress and life ins general I am still alive..
This past 8 days in particular I have been suffering something a lot like salmonella poisoning I suffered in the Philippians back in 1984..
I have not been able to stay very far from a bathroom since Monday week as the British would say...
Since the elections work has come to a screeching halt. Confident in the economy is so bad the Industry appears to be in shock.
The first time Obama won the information industry and tech stocks took a 60 percent loss over the first year, this time it took an80 percent drop. Stocks plummeted over 800 points as well. over 300 the first day...
I know democrats think they now what they are doing, I just can't imagine how they thing that way????
I pray each day that the nightmares I am having do not come to pass.
Our grand children are all afraid Obama is going to force them all to have the chip implanted in their wrists and recognize that as the mark of the beast foretold in revelations. Odd thing is, we are not teaching them that.. I have no idea where it is coming from...
I know with all the propaganda out there Obama is coming across as another Hitler. Even his Obama youth make gesture similar to that of the Hitler youth...
I almost feel guilty for bringing children into this world only to face what is to come.
I am almost praying that God brings me into the next stage of this horrific illness before it all gets that bad.
Karen and I have already committed to the guillotine should it come to that. We would rather die than accept the mark.
OK enough politics and religion...

I can feel my mind slipping away.
Over the past month driving is getting to be a challenge. I really have to concentrate on the actual driving now. It is almost like when i was young and had to think about driving the entire time.  As i got older ii drove almost instinctively , but now i have to focus very hard to stay in the lane and focus on where i am and where I am going. I seem to get that where am i feeling more often, but recover still. The GPS and mapping programs on me cell phone help tremendously as does my program I use that sends text messages to my cell phone all day telling me where to be at certain times. I also have alarms set in my cell phone that tells me when to get ready to go someplace and even reminds me to take my medicine. Karen has them all set up in morning and evening and day of the week containers and i have a bottle I carry with me of pills i take 4 times a day when I eat. So at least i seldom miss my pills now...
This past week was AWESOME because my Karen received her Hearing aids from God and she can hear. They cost almost 10,000.00 with the remote and all the accessories but was got them for FREE.. God set us up with an agency that took care of the costs Praise God.!! It made me cray and still does to see that huge smile on her face now that she can hear... She is having a much better time at work now and she is in much better spirits.. Only bad thing is, she does not need me to be her ears any longer :-(
That is ok because as my brain continues to shrink i will be less and less of a help to that capacity.

I have noticed I am getting grumpier.. Small things set me off now. I have to concentrate to not get angered.
Karen takes it personally if i raise my voice.... I don't know how to explain to her that i have Alzheimer's and PTSD and that i am amazed I am not screening all the time.. considering..
I have been to therapy and counseling and to group so many times.. I have all the tool's and training to deal with the PTSD but..... The tools are designed for people that had one or two events... I had so many....
some started before i went into the military and I spent 25 YEARS int eh military. and 4.5 years of that was combat. Not just combat support either, I have a lot of combat support as well. For some reason i found it necessary to volunteer for everything back then. I guess it was my unhappy marriages? I always pretended i was happy, but I was not.. No matter how hard I TRIED TO MAKE THEM HAPPY, THEY ALWAYS WANTED MORE.... So no, i was not happy.
This caused me to volunteer for the longest most dangerous missions i could find. I volunteered to go to C-130's because my 6 years in C-5's never saw any REAL combat time other than getting shot at in Barbados and Panama. in 130's we seemed to be getting shot at a lot... LOL. I love the tac missions.
The rush of the combat entry checklist, wearing all the gear the mission briefings the sounds of combat the stress levels the excitement ... It is hard to describe... I miss the well oiled machine of a well trained highly disciplined combat crew executing a precise mission refusing to let anything stop us, distract us from our mission.. on time on target. Weather it was beans, bombs, bullets, or band-aids, we dropped them, personnel, supplies,equipment, heavy equipment or Daisy cutters (LARGE BOMB) we delivered it! .
Even the CDS drops from 15,000 feet, dropping double stick pallets into a football field from 15,000 feet perfectly into the dead center of a football field in the blind at night in the clouds while being fired on using modern AWADS equipment sucking on an oxygen mask in formation in the blind....
One mission as we where RTB ( returning to base) our aircraft hit a storm while trying to avoid a ground to air missile battery our wings tail and nose cone quickly froze and was covered in ice and we immediately lost altitude. Our oxygen bottle froze and the overflow valve ruptured and we lost all our emergency O2. So we have to land in Italy on emergency and get repairs and some Liquid oxygen. The rush of all that was what made me love flying... The people where unique. Every person was unique and yet the same, We all shared the same pride that came from succeeding in a career that had an 89% failure rate through the school house.
Becoming instructors and evaluators and receiving our top secret clearances and special mission qualifiers made us even more proud. The joy of traveling all over the world to places I never would have had the opportunity to see and meet people that i never would have dreamed of meeting. Experiencing so many cultures and thus learning to understand the world so much more than the average person in the US.
I wish there was a way to take all Americans on a world tour to all the countries in the world. Have them live among the masses for short periods of time, live the life of these people so that they might appreciate how much we have here in our country.. Things we take for granted each day. We waist more each day than some people have in a week or even a month.
Our house has a flat screen Tv in every bedroom in the house, xbox, ps3 dvrs satellite, psp, ds you name it, every room of the house, smart phones etc... everyone even the grand kids..
Some countries i have been to... They would be thankful for water, electricity food... within reasonable walking distance, never-mind inside their shacks they call homes.. If they even have homes...

I cant help but wonder what my fellow AD members are doing in those countries?
Are they simply roaming the streets? Being abused?

Yes i know I'm rambling, I seem to be doing that a lot lately..
I miss my buddy Libby, I have not seen her and her husband in over a month, I pray she is OK..
I always seem to be hungry, but when i try to eat, I cant eat much?
my muscles seem to be failing as well and my balance is getting worse..
I can fall asleep real easy, but cant stay that way for very long???
reading is a chore...
I wish work would pick up to keep my busy so i would not have time to thinka vbout how bad i feel LOL.

I hope this finds you all well.
Hope your thanksgiving was well.
May The holy spirit visit you over teh holdays and bless you and your loved ones.


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Yes I am alive

Crude but entertaining...

I am sorry that i have not been on much.
I guess i am being selfish.
I wanted to spend as much time with Karen as possible since I appear to be getting worse at an alarming rate from time to time.
However, i recently realized that typing in this blog helps both Karen and myself as well so, here goes.

OK recently... My most significant changes are muscular and dream state i guess?
My muscles seem to be failing rather quickly.
MY brain feels like it is shrinking and I have a difficult time distinguishing between dreams and reality at late hours.
I have to force myself to open my eyes when I feel like what I am seeing is more like an acid trip than reality.
It makes it difficult to get a good nights sleep...
I fall asleep sitting in the chair and sitting next to Karen on the bed watching TV every night.
I have to wake up and rewind the dvr to get caught up.
I know it frustrates Karen... But sometimes it helps her if she missed part of it do to not hearing it..

Karen is getting her hearing aids in the 21st I am so excited !!!

Work it at a stand still since the elections shocked the world
I can only assume the IT world and MIS has stopped to take a breath in fear of things to come.
All you Democrats don't understand, When Obama swore in 4 years ago, the next 12 months saw a 60% decline in IT contracts, resulting in up to 65% pay rate decreases and so many lost Jobs i have not been able to gt a reliable number...
The days after the elections was the first time in over 10 YEARS that i have seen 0 jobs on the portal we use to bid on contracts. ..

The stock exchange took a serious dive as people overseas got scared when they realized Obama won the election and the Europeans in particular panicked...

I understand older people tend to stick with what their parents told them to do...
But times have changed... This guy is evil incarnate...
How anyone could look at him and not see it is beyond me....
Gay marriage is  a side issue with me..
Separation of church and state, I believe a civil union is good for the health and welfare of the couples health and therefore a benefit to everyone, sick people being untreated because of their sexual orientation seems ludicrous... As is Taxing cigarettes in the name of religion.. ....said..

Now abortion and all the other issues especially the economy and jobs is another story.
forcing non christian rhetoric down our thought in a country founded on Christianity is ridiculous..
I am a Jew that believes in Jesus as the messiah and am a rare breed...
I respect others right to believe in what they want.
But i understand this country is a christian country just like I understand Israel is Jewish and Palestine Islamic... I would not attempt to enter their countries and force my religious beliefs on them and expect them to take down all their religious icons, that would be ridiculous and probably get me killed... LOL

This guy is a moron and ridiculous and I am amazed the Zombies of the democratic party don't see it..
I never thought of all democrats as inherently STUPID, however I am open to change lol...

I fear for our future and pray I can continue to provide for my family as a white senior citizen in the country..
I did not chose my birthright either, I was born of the Toms family of Toms river new Jersey and descendant of uncle Toms cabin and even marched on city hall in the 60's singing we shall overcome only to get shot for being white .... I was very young and it left a mark on me I will never forget...
I moved down south as son as the opportunity presented itself and halve not moved back since 1972...
I visited, but not for long and I have  been a republican moderate since I was 21.
As a christian retired military small business owner i really have no choice.
I am not a severe Republican Conservative. I actually have a few liberal ideas because of my international background, however I am not a Liberal... I guess i would be considered a moderate... Because I don't completely agree with anyone... lol
I don't share the anal sexual ultra conservatism of the south,. nor do i agree with rampant sexual promiscuity...
I believe there is a happy medium and deviation is in the mind of the viewer....
I have been accused of being all types of perverted because small minds here don't grasp it..
I can be friends with people without caring about what they do in the privacy of their homes...
Sexual preference and orientation don't matter to me, just don't force it down my through or flaunt it regardless of what side of " the fence" your on. I can enjoy watching people without desiring them. A concept unfamiliar to many many southern people...
I have always been an observer.... I learn by watching people...