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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Hello everyone!

Yes I am still alive!

The walk this year was nice. I somehow survived lol. Thank you Everyone that came out and supported it. I would never be pretentious enough to think anyone other than my wonderful wife was there for me... However, I am still happy and grateful none the less...

This year NO one put any money into my account other than myself and Karen..
That was both a first and depressing.
Next year I plan on doing things differently I guess.
I will personally walk up to each and every one of you and get in your FACE, so be ready...
If that means I have to get in my truck and drive to your house REGARDLESS OF WHERE YOU LIVE, than so be it....
If I have to track you down like an animal to get and answer from you, even if its drop dead Frank, than I will...
Than I can eliminate you of my "so called" Friends list one by one...
Does that sound harsh??
however, I look at it this way...
For the past 50 years I have gone above and beyond to do my best to help every single person that I have come in contact with to the best of my abilities...
I gave, and gave, and gave and gave and gave.. Never ever asking in return...
its my turn...
In the past three years alone I have emptied all my savings and retirement accounts and given away all our money to help other people and we lost the house KAren and I had saved money up to buy..
Our dream home..
We had already:
Saved up the down payment,
Filled out ALL the loan paperwork and been approved,
Put down a deposit on a unit to hold it...
Got an AWESOME unbelievable discount on a prefab building ( 49% off)
we had already zoned the property into two lots
already got the new address (1042 FM 613 Bar-T Ranch)
already marked off the new spots, flagged it all , marked it with sticks and rope and spray pain...
already made deposit for septic permit of 400.00 so I could install the septic myself ( outside city limits)
already coordinated with water, A.E.P. power, Taylor telephone, trash, post office etc...
all we had to do was drive down, hand them the rest of the cash down and sign paperwork, sign all the paperwork and start clearing the ground....
We where in the process of deciding which contractor to hire to clear the treas, put in the driveway,  help us put up the fences, put in the septic and plumbing ( was hoping Rick would help) lay the concrete foundation and driveway mix parking areas and move our storage buildings around..
I had solar and wind energy plans started and a plan to get the well cleaned out so we could put in both a wind mill pump and an electric backup pump.. I already figured out the filtration and storage tank systems.. We have since located a good source for above ground and in ground tornado shelter/storm rooms and green houses...

we where pretty much all ready to go and then BOOM

First one, then two then.... well.... it is all gone now....

I started working again , but I can only work one or two days a week right now until I can get back in the swing of things..

After two strokes, it might take me a while to get back in the saddle again...

Some day's I struggle to remember to separate the wondering thoughts so I can focus..
time is still slipping away from me in the mornings, so I work mostly in the afternoon..
I can make 100-300 in just a few hours so.... If I can get in a few days a week I should be able to get back on my feet in a few weeks to a month???

I still find it amusing that, even with stage 4 alz, I am still so much farther ahead than most of the people around me??? I never considered myself that smart???? Yet it seems as if very few people can keep up with most of what I am thinking or saying... some can keep up with some of it.. but I have yet to meet anyone that can keep up with all of it....
It is actually a bit lonely...
I miss scorpion type environments..... Being around like minds was fun...

But I do NOT  like being controlled by the government and being told how to use my mind and what to use it for.....

I am trying to get like mids together in January for a new Scorpion type group, BUT, it will be home based....

Everyone will be based out of their home offices ( except me part of the time)....

I am the free roamer for now...

We might have satellite techs out there on site being our eyes later?? or install techs or whatever like Lexi....people that can go to the site and be our eyes...

Lexi Is very, very good at on site work when she focuses on it..

I pray that, whatever is wrong with me physically, is treatable enough, to get me back to work full time soon.

I received a call today from Time insurance..
They requested that I get serious about recruiting agents for individual medical sales and group medical sales because I am not the primary sales agent for Hendrix Medical Center?????
CRAP!!! That JUST sunk in lol..

OK, I better TRY to get some sleep lol...

night all
(PS: those of you that I Know ONLY as gamer, technical contracting work, via the theater or other "social outlet" and not personally as in person.. don't expect me to show up in person...." necessarily "... lol)

May god bless you all, even those of you that have not been here for us... Love you unconditionally..

AKA EGORE, Tom, Tom Tom, Frankie, Snake, poppo, Carrot Top, Snappy-Tom, Spider-man, Wing man.. Phoenix, Ghost, Grey Ghost, playboy, November , sierra hotel, Sahara ops,  Oscar charlie mike, Frankenstein, and many, many others....

Sunday, September 7, 2014

I am ALIVE!!

Hello out there in reality land
It has been a VERY long time since I was in here.
My trip down teh rabit whole has been interesting this last year.
Two strokes and some other illnesses have distracted me as well.
catch up time?
(please excuse my typo's, if i try to fix all of them, i will lose my train of though to many times, and never get this done..)

well, time is still getting away from me. more so I guess.
I get up at 6:30-6:45 in the morning with my wife when she gets up to go to work.
Then i either lay in bed and surf on my phone or my android tablet. or I get up and go to the office in the middle of the house.
latley, the next thing I know the 11:00 ocklock alarm to go have lunch with Karen is going off, and I am trying to figure out where the time went.
Concentration is not a good thing either.
If i take my pills at nite and in th emorning and I eat rite and so forth I am.... OK... But I still srat to "fade out" after about 2 in the afternoon..
the farther it gets past 2, the harder it is for me to concentrate, and the more tired I get.
Getting distracted is easy. Reading complex technical directions is giving me migraines.
Trying to work in the afternoon really wears me out.
Things I have been doing for years seems so difficult now.
I don't dare drive far at night.
I dont dare drive away from the Abilene area alone...
I can not seem to find a realiable assistant that will show up every day at 7am, so I guess it is retirement time..
I can not get the respect I need from anyone that attempts to work for me, so I will not tolerate anything less..
This is my lifes work
I spent 40 years of my life building a reputation and a skill set and advanced experience level not to mention the report I have with all my clients. Some of the guys I used to work with in the field now own their own corperations and service companies , or manage portals that route work to techs and Engineers , so I am known world wide..
. I'll be damned if I am going to let some young person come in here with a half kocked idea set, a little knowlege a little skill and destroy whats left of my 2 commpanies..
I already lost 2 of my companies due to my ex and letting my good nature talk me into hireing people against my better judgment..
I had to close them and open up under another name...
My Clients know It is still me, but some of the end users did not want to associate with some of the techs I had been using, so I had to reorganise..
then, over the past 6 years I have had more setbacks..
so my dream of a legacy looks pretty much shot...

I have good days and bad days with my alz
good day's I almost forget I have it..
bad days, I just want to stay in  bed..
I feel so stupid, and usless..
I can not remember a thing..
I am so embarassed..
I can not concentrate, I can not read, can not write, can not type and some days I cant even speak properly.
people talk to me and it is like Charlie brown...
My poor wife gives me " The look"
lately I am having difficulty swallowing
I have had isssues with odd sudden dizzy spells off and on and occasionaly falling..
The past 6 months i can not walk very far at all without getting completely worn out and having to sit, or lay down. out of beath and exhausted..
I get confused sometimes... It has started to actually scare me..
and lately I have to focus on seperating day dreams from reality
I get to drifting off, and have to come back....

Sleeping is difficult.. I am never actually sure when I am actually asleep... sometimes I wonder if I actually go to sleep, or just close my eyes...
The other day, I was up for over 24 hours... now THAT day I knew I went to sleep, because when the phone rang, I could not move my arms or legs when i woke up...Dreaming while actually asleep can get interesting if Karen runs out of slow mag..
Since I have PTSD, add ALZ and WOW I can have some interesting 3D technicolor exhaustive nightmares... I wake up soaking wet with sweat, freezing and my heart racing and pounding...
I am still able to get out of it farely fast at this point...
But, recovery seems to be taking longer now....
I dread the day I get stuck in one of my daydreams...
I live in fear of falling all theway down the rabbit whole, and not remembering my familly.
I do not want to be a burdaen on anyone.
I do not want to get violent..
I am a large, strong, well trained combat vet.. As a child I was a boxer,  I studied martial arts for over 30 years, was in the military 25. I grew up in the streets of New Jersey, and New York, so I know how to take person down...
I would not want to hurt anyone...
I have become extreemly close to my God these past 4 years, and am at peace with him.
I pray I slip into alz peacfully and do not cause any heart-ships..
I have this feeling Karen will be in there with me....
she appears to be getting a few of the symptoms, and is in denyal..
I love her so much, no words could explain...

I find myself speaking in Russian when I am upset??
no idea why..
I am forgetting a lot of things except music..
but U seem to have forgoten how to read music???
I can tell you what the notes are.. but I can no longer ue the music sheets to play songs????
I find that oddd considering I have been playing music since I was 4??
of course I have not played an instrument using a music sheet since Germany in 1994.

I SERIUOSLY miss a few odd things
dancing, both on stage, and at dance places like oplin.
comedy, I used to love standing up and telling jokes and making people laugh..
The opra
The philharmonic


and a few other things I don't want to start crying about..

I am sorry i have been gone, but hey, I forgot... lol
I'm back
I'll put an alarm on my cell to get in here and type some more
art walk is thursday nite

THE walk to end Alzheimer s is the 20th I will be there with my wonderful wife Karen...
It would be nice to see some mooolah in my walk account before then..
But I dont imagine there will be any, unless I put it in there..
We have been helping so many people over the past 2 years.
Then, over the past 2 weeks, we where in a bind. NO one stepped up.
Praise God some money showed up that a client owed me.
otherwise it could have been bad...
But that's OK, because now we know to stop helping those people, and perhaps focus our efforts elsewhere...

I neeed to go through this blog and make notes
I am suposed to have something written for the walk to presnt?? I guess?
See you all there??