Cute sign....

Well hello out there cruel world..

I hope everyone is doing well.

I seem to be getting gradually ( thank God) worse , However, I still feel smarter than most people I come in contact with.

I do , however, feel myself slipping away..The feeling is not easy to describe..

Sometimes i blank out, then come back startled.

I don't know how long i'm out, but, so far i have not come out of it with any evidence that i did something stupid while i was out?

My dreams are pretty odd.. I find myself waking myself up to escape them a lot.

I do tend to sleep a lot now, I do not know why? I'm even taking Narcolepsy medicine.... Perhaps i need to up the dose?

I don't feel confused most of the time, I do seem to be getting " The LOOK" more often now then before. I always wonder what i just did to warrant it??

I got to see my friend and fellow Alz victim last week. I had not seen her in some time and was concerned She had gone too fr down the rabbit whole. It was nice to see she is about the same shape as I am.

She was in the middle of a conversation and could not remember the name of something important to her point. It completely eluded her like it does me now and then.

One thing i have noticed is, I can recall something from 50 years ago like it just happened, but not so much this week, never mind last week..

I thank God for allowing man to invent the cell phone..

It helps me know what day it is, where I am and has unlimited alarms for me to remember things all day long. That and google calendar app that makes all kind of racket to remind  me what i'm supposed to be doing.

I get more depressed now than  I have in a while, but so far no thoughts of self harm... I do sometimes want to harm others, but it is only because i cant iagine why they do some of the things they do....

But, since I can kill a person using only my bare hands, i refrain from any contact with "complete" morons... And suffer through the rest...
I thank God for my Awesome crazy wife. She is smart, beautiful, Funny as can be,  talented, resourceful , tolerant of my illness ( for the most part) Gets all my jokes ( when she can hear me.. shes legally deaf) and, with a few exceptions, like everything I do even TV shows.. ( except chick flicks of course.. I can not take too many sugary sweet, lets pretend the world is perfect , the good guy always wins shows)

We also both game.
On our cell phones, our tablets, and our Xbox's..
We are now a farm/ranch with sheep, chickens ( free range) and Rabbits, I hope to get the two female goats before long so we also have goats milk. We also have a garden. next year I plan to plant a HUGE garden where the cheicken coop is now..

     The pain in my joints is getting excruciating so, I have to use my pain management techniques so i don't go out and break stuff...
My vision and hearing are also fading

This time of year is always very difficult for me for so many reasons.I try to explain them to my spouse, but how do I?
From my youth when I was in orphanage and got girls presents on Christmas, and wondered how my family was to my son and mother dying on Christmas eve. To so many missed Christmases do to my former career..
December is also when I took a fatal dose of medication and died and was brought back..
Don't remember taking t he pills, but i sure remember the treatment....

I pray I can get through this season without everyone realizing how miserable I will be...

The last few years I have not received anything for any important events
Christmas, my birthday, fathers day...
Karen Tries, god bless her and Devlynn.. One of our Grand children( probably my favorite one)  but no one else.
No matter how many and how much I helped other people, no one seems to remember me.... EVER.. so hence more depression..
I don't want anything special, a card, mention the day and  me in the same sentence? A big hug is always nice.. Of course actually remembering me, then actually getting me something no matter how simple that I ACTUALLY WANT would probably give me another stroke from the shock..
However that will never happen so.. Ill just suck it up and move on... and on.. and on...

I pray you all have a better holiday than I probably will.
I do not wish others to suffer..
I pray i don't have a BIG ,heart attack, or, another stroke with all the stress....
If you have a little extra prayer laying around, and you could  mention me???
Ahhh what am I thinking... No one even reads this thing any more...

The walk this year was nice and we raised a lot of money, i believe we actually surpassed all goals.
In march we have another event, stepping out for memories. I will try to post info on here.

OK this has completely worn me out
laters

Frank, AKA Egore, AKA Vlad

Sundowners...

I get sooo tired and eventually crash and burn every day...
Just woke up on my desk....
it stated around 4 earlier in my disease...
now; its starts around 3.....

some day, I guess I just wont get up??
Taking a combat nap before i go pick people up...

Laters........................................................................................click

How many people know what THAT symbol is?
Not many I would venture...

HELLO!!
     I have been away for a year sabbatical.
During my year;
 I have had a few strokes,
 few heart attacks,
fallen, countless times..
I have been ill quite a bit,
BUT,
I am still kicking!!
Last years Alzheimer's walk was nice, went with my wife and Grand children the day before to prep the area.
My Awesome wonderful beautiful Wife Karen and I are both on the planning committees for the walk and the Art auction. ( Stepping out for memories)
We stay as active as my health will permit.
Along with all that I also coach
Tennis... Fun, but exhausting..

WORK....
I have not been to any of my "other" jobs in quite some time now.
I am semi retired to the point of not working with the exception of an occasional Client Like Merry Mckenna And her collection of Moose Cafe's, since she is a good friend and no one can understand her needs as well as I can.
The big companies don't get it....

errors in this blog.........
( if you read my blog, you should know i am in who knows what stage of Alzheimer decease and spieling, grammar, and staying on subject, is a luxury, not a given)

The Future????
I am planning to return to do some contract work this summer.
I may take a grandchild with me?
one of them anyway..
Teach them responsibility and work ethics, customer service etc..
I had hoped to train one of our children to take over my companies when I retire, however, there does not seem to be a chance of that now...
Young people (under 50 now) these days want to work FOR someone, but don't want to actually work, be responsible, follow directions, read contracts, be on time, meet the terms of a contract.
So, instead, they work for less money, work longer hours, have no benefits, quit their jobs and change them often, and still ask  us for money almost every month...
So, I am looking to the Grand children now , in hopes of a better future for them than there parents and so forth..
It amazes me that My wonderful wife can work at the same place for 22 years, (and is still working there now)
I managed to stay in the Air force for 25 years and government contractor for 45 years now...
But these young people cant stay at the same job for a year or two??
Never mind 20 and retire...

As I progress down the Rabbit hole, i will not remember a lot of this stuff that took me 50 years to learn.
I still receive 40-50 calls a day and countless emails and text messages for contract work ALL OVER THE WORLD..

iT IS FRUSTRATING TO TURN THEM ALL DOWN, ESPECIALLY THE ONES FOR 200.00 AN HOUR.

  OPTIONS...
   I still have my insurance license, however, health insurance and life insurance has gone into the twilight zone..
It used to be so easy to sell it.
People need it,
its a good idea to have it.
OBAMA made it mandatory,
but it is still like trying to pull teeth!!!
people ask,
you tell them how much and..
crickets...


What in the world???
I am  "supposedly" one of the top technologists Consultants/contractors in the country, and some of my clients have been using me for many years;
 yet,
some of them have gotten ridiculous about trying to get stuff for...
wait for it...
FREE???
WHAT
Seriously?
 Everything I have to pay for is going UP,
not DOWN???
How can they expect things for free and then raise my rates???
I wonder if the DRUG epidemic in our country has taken a serious toll on our people??/ IN more ways than one....
Commercials today seem to reflect that,
YouTube videos, for sure...

9 year olds getting arrested in elementary school playgrounds for selling hard core narcotics, alimentary school kids breaking in and destroying high school property in groups..
Teen age pregnancy rates going up frighteningly high nation wide..
Assault rates going higher then ever????

Maybe my mind slipping away will be a good thing???
Maybe I wont have to watch as our country slides down the poop shoot?

A cure???
There is supposed to be a few hopeful cures out there.
My coconut oil and other techniques i using are helping me progress slower, but.. I still feel the drain, I can fell my mind going every day...
It is a frightening change to go from remembering everything I see and hear to forgetting to pay the water bill and having it get shut of, again...


MY journey so far... Today...
Some days I get so overwhelmed i just simply lay down and take a nap..
some days the headaches are so bad I just want to find a dark hole...
IM getting grumpy and impatient, and I get confused more often now.
sometimes I can not figure out what certain people are talking about, no matter how hard I try...
Seriously? I used to be the " go to guy" for everyone..
Now i'm like WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALING ABOUT?

I used to speak and understand as many as 16 languages, some of them very well and I even wrote in many..
Now not so much..
I can struggle through English, Spanish, Russian German...
Maybe  some french and Italian..
ABOUT 8 WORDS IN aRABIC NOW?? WOW I WAS FUENT AT ONE POINT
ABOUT 10 IN Korean, ( ODD CONSIDERING I WAS THE LIASON IN gulf WAR)
Half my family spoke Hebrew/Yiddish when I was growing up..
I can not seem to remember much of it now???

German i get to speak now and then
and Spanish now and then
Russian AND German with friends on line GaminG.


COPING...
I am an Xbox gamer
my two common gamer-tags are RTTC EGORE A and MIB BOSS
I have a few others, but they are my alter ego gamer tags and i don't speak on them.. EVER.. my chance to game with other Friends and see if they talk smack about me behind my back lol..

Our grandchildren occasionally play with us online, but they have their own friends they like to game with so...
I have about 150 friends i've gamed with for about 8-9 years so I have a choice to go to.
I am primarily a first person shooter, call of duty, Tom Clancy Rainbow six, and " the Division"
however, I also play other games with the wife like, Diablo III ( both versions) Sherlock Holmes, and a bunch of family games lke family game night and its collection monopoly etc..

Other things that make life better???
I have a few online brain stimulating sites that I will hae to go look up and post on here.

Music helps me a lot
playing it singing listening to it etc..
The more i play and sing and dance then better I seem to feel and think...
My wife can no longer dance with me so, I have to go with her to chaperon dances so that I can line dance lol...

I SO wish I could get back into the Acting, singing , dancing, musician, comedian, on stage theater again, and even do another TV thing..
Major movies production would probably kill me, but i could do a T series lol..
Walking dead maybe??
I was asked to interview for a few parts for two of our favorite shows, but, before I could make it, the shows canceled :(

I have not been on stage in a play since Harvey in 1998 At ART.
And Ghost writer just before that,
Have not done ACT since??? Man of lamancha other than designing lights for Jesus Christ supper star, and building sets with mr Munchenk..

 I realy miss doing theater in Germany and England..
Those where some of the best memories of my younger life..
New York and California  was always so darn competitive...
and back stabbing...
Doing that movie in England was fun..
I don't even remember the name of it now..

I have a guitar now and a keyboard, I really need to get batteries for the keyboard and play my guitar, ..
It is acoustic, so no heavy rock..
my Electric guitar needs repair....
I bought it back in 1963 so, it needs tuner key and some tlc..

Health???
my vision is going, so i better get on the ball...
I have a laundry list of illnesses now
but i take it with a grain of salt


BR-T RANCH and NANNA'S FARM!!!!!
We are raising chickens some for egg laying and some to eat later..
Rabbits, buy default, someone gave us four, did not tell us they where all females and all pregnant
now two died trying to hold in their babies, and we now have two with 6 babies....


And we started a sheep ranch two years ago... ( BAR-T Ranch)
started with 4 lost one to wild dogs, put up a better fence, now we had 22 of them, 13 are newborns two months ago..
We will finally be selling some this year and maybe breaking even??

Well, it is time to get bring lunch to my awesome wife..
I was too ill yesterday. I think i am going to try it today??
We have a function tonight, however, I am not feeling very well so, it is touch and go weather we will actually be going??

Love you all!

Squirrel......

Here are all the paintings before we Set it all up. Just thought I would show you how they looked. One of them is by a Fellow Alzheimer's friend and then there is an item made by an artist next to it made to complement it. The buyer bids on both, and gets both in the auction. I am not sure who made all of them, My friend libby's is in the middle on the left, and mine on the right. I have no idea which ones sold for what prices, as long as something was made to go towards research, I am happy. I am honored that some paint and paper i doodled on two years ago made it this far. Anything I could do to make a difference is awesome and a blessing from God.

I am not sure how many more day's I have left. I would like to keep making a difference as long as God wills it, to be so...

May God bless you all and keep you safe.

May none of you suffer the loss of a family member to this devastating illness.

I had a dream last week , that a cure would be found. but not until after I was gone. If that is God's will. So let it be...

As long as a cure is found...

 

This last week really wore us out.

I am home with shingles, and My wonderful wife Karen is home with a stomach Virus. She is miserable God bless her....

Memories in the making is a great program it is everything it says it is. I was honored to have my painting up there. I was also honored to have had an artist chose mine and paint a painting to go with mine and donate it for the auction.

The event was nice. I wish I had felt better so I could have enjoyed it more. But it was still nice. MY wife's company was there and some of our Friends from ALZ where there. My buddy Libby had her family there and they had their own big table. it was nice to see them all supporting her. She was the one that set up the paintings and asked for the video.. As far as I can tell, we are both in the same stage... Not enough time in the day... Things get away from us... We get started on a lot of things, but finishing things seems to be the challenge...
Most days I get up with an agenda, then wonder where the heck the time went...
one minute its 6 am, next minute its bedtime???
Time, it not on my side, nor is gravity lol.. Gravity is EVIL...
Some day's I almost think my mother is here as a polterguist and is moving stuff on me just to mess with my mind.
this morning i went out to my truck to get my laptop bag.came inside and... where the heck's my laptop??
on the drivers seat???
That sort of thing happens more and more now..
2 years ago I drove to midland one day, Odessa another, then San Angelo, then Wichita falls then Stevensville another.. now, if i am lucky, I might handle one trip to San Angelo a week... Although a few weeks ago I was going to San Angelo three days a week,, it wore me out fast...
I start winding down about 2 now
it used to be 5, then 4 then 3 now its 2
of course I am not even sure I actually ever go to sleep...
I lay there, but my mind never shuts  up...
I lay down,  its 11pm, and BAM its 3:00 am and I have to get up and go to the restroom.. (old man bladder)..
Then, of course, i use my phone to see so, I simply have to play my bubble games, which means now its 4am and the alarms are going off, now the dogs barking, the sheep start baaaaaaaing and its time to go feed the sheep and walk the dog.... Karen walks the Dog.. I feed the sheep...
Karen gets up at the but crack of dawn every day except one.
I never know what day that is going to be.. it is either Saturday, OR Sunday...
So that means I wake up at the same time.
that used to mean I had to get up and help make the bed, but these day's she lets me stay in bed. Shes a kinder gentler wife now :)

Today she was up early, went to work.. Adn then ended up coming back home sick.
I hate it when she is sick.
 I feel useless..
I want to make her better...
But I just have to leave her alone, because that's how she gets better.....
That is NOT easy for me to do
I am a doter... I want to wait on her head to toe,,, fluff her pillows get her food, message her feet, get her medicine feed her etc....
 Make her better ASAP!!!!
But I don't know what to do so;
  I feel like a paper weight...

I have about 6 gazillion things started so, I guess I better go try really hard to finish at least one of them lol...

 For my reader that said i never say I

There ya go I said I a lot LOL

First person, complied with..

Love you all,
Cause Jesus told me too.....
And I love him, so I love you all too...
YES YOU TOO!!!


bye.........................................................................................click

This is my painting that was matched by another artist with a much better painting  for tonight's show.
I know mine is nothing to look at, but at least it got a few bids, and got purchase.

VIDEO UPDATE!

  OK, I think I will try to change the file into a movie file and post it here tomorrow

I am so sorry for the inconvenience.

I will put the one from the stepping out up first, then the corrected one, once it is corrected.

Thank you everyone.

Updated this to show the other painting...